Testimony of Growth!

            I know I usually write devotionals on this blog, but the Lord has laid it on my spirit to share my testimony this week instead.  It’s not the usual type of testimony of being saved and freed from a lifestyle of sin, it’s a testimony about accepting Jesus into my life for the first time, and it’s not a testimony about repentance.  My testimony is one of spiritual growth and learned reliance on God.

            It all started in January at the beginning of my college semester this year.  One of my amazing English professors told us that for our first assignment she wanted us all to pray and then choose a word for the year.  The word was meant to be an area in our lives that we wanted to change, mature, or develop in.  The word we chose was meant to be a focus for us, so we could see God help us in that area as the year progressed.  After praying, I knew my word was Growth.  The reason I chose this word was because I knew there were so many areas in my life that I wanted/needed to grow and mature in.  After choosing my word, I somewhat forgot about it for the next month or so.  Then, it came up and I was able to look back over those past few months and see how God had helped me grow in my ability to be more outgoing and make friends.  He even allowed me to do an eight minute presentation that I didn’t think was possible for me to do!

            The semester came to a close, and I returned home to my family.  I forgot about my word again because of the business of everyday life.  Then, in about the middle of June, God brought the word back to my remembrance.  As I remembered how I wanted to Grow, I was able to look back and see where God had opened up opportunities for me to Grow.  He helped me in my independence, I no longer relied on other people to talk and lead a conversation.  He opened up the door for me to get a job that I loved.  The job was totally outside of my comfort zone at first, but because I was willing, I was able to grow in my ability to work with college students and help them in overcoming their struggles.  It wasn’t easy at first, but because of the difficulty, I had to rely on God.  When I thought about all these things and saw God’s hand at work from the beginning of the year leading up to that point, and I saw all of the areas God had helped me grow in, I was overwhelmed by His love for me.  I went before Him thanking Him that He cared enough about me to help me in each of these areas.  And it was at that moment I realized the year was only half way finished.  I had no idea what God had in store!

            A few weeks later, I left to help at middle school church camp.  I was so excited to see how God would use me and help me grow.  Every year I look forward to the time God gives me with each student, the weeks I am able to invest in the lives of campers, and the fellowship that is had with other believers.  Through the week, God helped heal some areas in my life that I had been hurt in.  He helped me to overcome past regrets and grow in my love for others so that I could truly forgive from my heart and not just my head.  He helped me to open up again in ways I never thought I could or would.  I thought I would possess the scar of past hurt for the rest of my life.  I thought I would never trust the same way again.  But God proved me wrong, as He so often does.  He healed what had been broken, and filled the hole left in my heart.  It was not easy for me to accept complete healing and give forgiveness, in fact, it was one of the hardest areas for me to grow in.  But I realized that if God can forgive me, then how can hold anything against anyone else.  Once these walls were broken down, the Lord helped me grow in my friendships with many of the other helpers and students at camp.  I was blessed in the time I was able to spend with all of them!  And through these friendships, the Lord showed me that He had a unique purpose for my life that only I could fulfill. 

            When I returned home, I thought that all of my growing was done.  I couldn’t see any area that was possibly left to fix, or change.  However, God had other plans, and He saw one major area of my life that desperately needed to Grow.  I returned home to a message from the Girls Ministries leader from my church asking me if I would be willing to preach at the upcoming girls retreat in two weeks.  She told me the theme was Flourish and I would need two 45 minutes to an hour long sermons plus a 25-30 minute morning devotional.  She told me that God had laid it on her heart to ask me.  When I saw the message, my initial response was to reply immediately and tell her that God was mistaken. Then I wanted to tell her that I had never done one sermon longer than five minutes let alone three sermons, and I had never written them and memorized them in less than two weeks, so there was no possible way I could do it!  Not to mention, I am so uncomfortable standing up and speaking in front of a group!  To be honest, I was right.  In my own ability, I was not capable of doing this.  But God reminded me that I was not the same person I was at the beginning of the year, He reminded me of all the areas in my life that He had helped me to grow, and he reminded me of my desire to be used by Him.  I could almost hear Him say to me, “Do you not trust me and my ability?  Do you not believe that you can do what I say you can do?  Have you forgotten your prayer, ‘here am I, send me’? And do you not want to Grow in this area and come closer to me?”  Then He reminded me of one of my favorite verses, Philippians 4:13, “I can do all things through Christ who gives me Strength.”  It was at that moment I realized that this is what God wanted me to do, and could either be obedient or choose not to listen to His call. 

            I replied to the message the next day.  I told our coordinator that I would love to minister to the girls.  I was nervous, I was afraid, and I was so worried that I would fail.  But I knew God had called me.  After praying for days on what God wanted me to speak on, He enabled me to write the two sermons.  I had yet to discover what He wanted me to preach on for the morning devotional.  The retreat was only a few days away.  As I prayed, I felt the Lord lead me to ask a youth pastor I knew from camp for advice.  This was a huge step of faith for me!  I am the kind of person who doesn’t like others to see a project I am working on until it is perfect and complete.  I didn’t want to ask for advice from anyone because I was afraid that I was writing my sermons incorrectly, I was afraid that the content was not good, and  I was afraid I would be criticized and told that I couldn’t preach.  But I pushed all of these fears aside, I swallowed my pride of wanting to do it myself, and I asked for advice and help.  In the end, I was so thankful that God helped me to see that I needed help.  My friend had amazing ideas that I was able to turn into the morning devotional.  I was given advice that helped each sermon become truly focused on God and not my own ability or inability.  God used Him in my life to show me that it’s okay to ask for help, and sometimes when we do, that’s when God opens a door.

            After the sermons were written, I was able to look back and see the growth that had taken place in my life over the past week in a half.  If I had possessed any doubt that God wanted me to preach, those doubts were shattered when I saw the enemy working in my life trying to stop me.  He had tried without success to silence me in my fear.  He had tried to stop me from asking for advice by using my pride and stubbornness.  And since he had failed in these areas he attacked my health.  A few days before the retreat I became very sick!  I couldn’t stand for long periods of time without feeling like I would pass out.  I felt like I couldn’t breathe because of all of the chest congestion I was experiencing.  I kept coughing but it never helped.  All I could do was rest.  I knew that if I could just get a good night’s sleep that I would begin to recover.  But every night leading up to the retreat, I was unable to get the rest I needed.  I was so scared that I would wake up the day of the retreat and be too sick to minister to the girls.  But despite Satan’s attack on me, God was far from finished with me.  The day before the retreat, I almost passed out more than once due to my sickness, my head pounded!  But I was determined not to quit.  The next day, although I was still sick, I felt much better. 

The first night  of the retreat , just before I went up to preach, I was terrified.  All those fears of failure and making mistakes came flooding back to me.  But I wanted to grow and be used by God.  And that is exactly what happened.  The moment I stepped up the stage and started ministering to those girls, the Lord took away my fear and replaced it with a peace that can only be found in Him.  He allowed me to poor out myself so that I could be filled with Him and show His love to each girl.  There were many points in that first sermon where His Holy Spirit and love overwhelmed me and almost brought me to tears.  I was so overwhelmed and humbled to know that God had chosen to use me!  I couldn’t believe it!  Words cannot describe what it feels like to know you were chosen and used by God to reach others. 

            The rest of the weekend flew by along with each sermon.  The girls were so receptive it amazed me!  To see each student go after God they way they did was truly amazing!  At the completion of the week, I am now able to look back and see how much God has helped me to Grow this week, this month, and this year.  I know this is only the beginning of His plan for my life, and I can’t wait to see what the rest of the year has in store!  

Through the Storm

             In this life, we experience many trials and hardships.  We feel the pain of rejection, fear of the unknown, and grief after a loss.  Yet, through the midst of each of these circumstances, we are promised comfort and peace through Christ Jesus.  The Bible tells us that, “by His wounds we are healed” (Isaiah 53:5).  Even in the midst of our grief, He is with us.  When one’s heart feels broken, He is there.  We can take comfort in the fact that any trial we go through, Jesus experienced it first.  He felt rejection, pain, hatred, suffering, betrayal, isolation, desertion, and ultimately death on a cross.  He experienced all of these atrocities and more!  Why?  All because of His unfailing love for us!  No matter what we are going through, no matter how big the problem or pain may be, we can take comfort knowing that our God is bigger still, and He has “overcome the world!” (John 16:33).  When low in spirit, He is there to bind up the wound with His love and peace.  He is with us!  His word tells us that “The Lord is close to the broken hearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit” (Psalm 34:18).

            Regardless of the fact that life doesn’t always make sense and even though we may have to experience trials that we don’t understand, wait for things we think we’re ready to have, and feel pain that hurts more that words can describe, we need to remember that Jesus has it.  We need to stop worrying about things that can’t be changed, and instead of focusing on our human ability, utilize our strength through prayer.  We need to take our hurts, trials, and desires to the cross.  We need to go before our Savior and ask Him to be in the center of every moment and every circumstance.  If we would seek His peace, we could take comfort in knowing that He is for us and will always love His children.

Dear God,

I know we have messed up.  We have felt the pain from the world.  We have been selfish enough to want to only focus on us and not realize that there are others in pain.  Help us to bring our pain to you and allow your love to heal us.  Please heal our hearts and wounded pride.  Help us to always run to you first!

                                                Amen

A Pure Heart

Whenever one reads a book, looks things up on the internet, or watches TV the things that are said and done enter into the heart.  It is as though one is making a deposit into the bank, the heart bank.  When wholesome things are watched and God’s word is read, individuals are making a good spiritual deposit into their lives.  However, when it is something bad, it still goes in.  One absorbs the bad along with the good.  This is why the Bible says that followers of Christ must “renew [their] minds” (Romans 12:2).  If one fails at this, the individual will be overcome by the sin within their life.

            When placed in difficult situations, a withdrawal is made from the heart bank. Whatever has been deposited into the heart, whether good or bad, is what one is able to withdraw from the heart.  If bad or sinful things are what have been deposited, that is what can be withdrawn and that is the way one will respond under pressure.  My former youth pastor, now head pastor, used to tell a story in order to illustrate this idea more fully.  He told of a time when he was a young boy and his father made him and his brother a ramp for their bike.  One of their favorite maneuvers was to ride up the rap cross their arms, uncross them, and then ride back down.  One day, they were out riding the ramp and they decided to take a break and eat some Ho-Ho’s.  After eating some Ho-Ho’s, my pastor climbed back on his bike and got ready to ride the ramp.  He made it to the top and crossed his arms, but when he came down he was unable to uncross his arms before hitting the ramp.  His stomach came down full force onto his arms and Ho-Ho’s were spewed everywhere!  What was in him came out.  In this illustration, the ramp is like life; the Ho-Ho’s are an example of what was put in.  When the pressure was on, what was put in (Ho-Ho’s) came out.

            Whatever is stored in the heart will one day be made known by or through what is said, the way one thinks, or even an individual’s actions.  The Bible says that “out of the overflow of [the] heart [the] mouth speaks” (Luke 6:45).  If one desires good things to be their withdrawal or overflow then one must read and watch things that are in accordance with God’s word.  God gives us guidelines as to what His standards are in Philippians 4:8, he tells us that “whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable--if anything is excellent or praiseworthy--think about such things.”  This verse is a list of qualities to think on and can be used as a canon for what to fill our hearts with.  If God’s word is read on a daily basis, it will not return void!  As a Christian, one must stay strong in commitments and convictions so that the heart is not made dirty or deceived.

Waiting on God's Answer

            So often today we pray to God asking Him what His will for our life is.  However, when we bring our requests before Him we expect an immediate answer.  We expect a yes or a no reply.  We have been brought up in a generation of instant gratification; I like to call it the Microwave Generation.  This generation differs from previous generations because it no longer has to wait for what it wants but instead can have its desires immediately.  In past generations, if one wanted hot food it had to be prepared and then cooked in an oven and the individual had to wait hours for their meal.  Yet today, one can simply pop food into the microwave and presto! in a few short minutes a hot meal is ready! 

            I say all of this to explain how we have become in our walk with Christ.  As Christians, instead of waiting on God, we now expect a microwave answer, yet usually God is giving us an oven answer.  We come before Him expecting and wanting a yes or no, but He so often is saying “wait.  Wait on me!”  However, because of instant gratification we don’t want to listen to this reply, it’s as if we’ve forgotten how to wait, and instead we take our life into our own hands and we pursue what we think we want and need.  Then when what we thought we wanted and needed doesn’t work out and it ends in heartbreak we turn back to God and blame Him for our pain.  Yet all the while God is telling us that if we would just wait on Him and trust His timing He has something so much better for us then what we could ever choose! We need to, “Wait for the Lord; be strong and take heart and wait for the Lord” (Psalm 27:14).  Instead of following our own wants and desires come before God and give them to Him!  Wait on God, and wait for His answer.  Be strong in Him, take heart in the knowledge that He has a plan, and know that He will see it through.

            You see, God’s timing is perfect.  Even though we think everything needs to happen right this instant, God tells us to wait more often than not.  He brings people into our lives when we are ready.  He uses our moments alone to build our character and to deepen our relationship with Him.  He knows when everything will come to pass.  But before He reveals even the smallest piece of His plan to us, we have to trust Him no matter the circumstances.  We have to trust His timing and that He has a plan.  Our focus should be on Him and not ourselves.  God allows things to happen for a reason, He has a plan for every day, every moment, and every second.  There is a set time God has made for things to happen in our lives and even though it may not be the way we want it to happen or in the time we expect it, we need to trust Him.

            God has set a time for the things we desire and need.  Ecclesiastes 3:1 says, “There is  a time for everything, and a season for every activity under Heaven.”  We need to trust this and be patient instead of expecting an instant answer or instant gratification.  Wait on Him and His timing.  He has a plan that is far greater than we could ever imagine.

            Dear God,

We know that you have brought everything to pass in its exact timing, and now it is up to us to trust you and wait on you.  Help us to trust your plan.  Show us where you want us to go, when to the take the next step in our lives, and who to take those steps with.  Help us to honor you in this and in our walk with you.  We know that so often we don’t want to wait on you and your plan.  There are many moments in our lives when we feel as though you have forgotten us and our desires.  But that is never the case!  So help us, help us to honor you and wait on your timing.  Help us to make you proud!  Help us to become a generation after your heart! Teach us how to become such a generation.  This is my desire, help it to be the desire of all!  For it is in your holy and beautiful name that we ask this,

                                                            Amen

Who Is Wise?

"I thought, "age should speak; advanced years should teach wisdom."  But it is the Spirit in a man, the breath of the Almighty, that gives him understanding.  It is not only the old who are wise, not only the aged who understand what is right." - Job 32:7-9

     Although with age also comes wisdom, this is not always the case.  There are those who are young yet wise, but there are also those who are old and no wiser than when they were a child.  They are smarter, but not wiser.  You see, knowledge can be taught, but wisdom is from God.  God teaches us how to be wise and grants us understanding.  If we will ask Him to increase our understanding as young adults and teens then even the young may become wise.  It is said that experience is the best teacher, but I think God and His Spirit are.  Wisdom is the best teacher.

     Ask God to increase your wisdom and understanding so that you are able to make good and wise decisions in this life.  Ask for God's wisdom to help you follow Him.  "For every good and perfect gift is from above."-James 1:17

     Dear God,
We know that your ways are higher than ours, so we ask that you increase our understanding of your word and your plan for our lives.  We also ask for wisdom in the coming months to discern between the right and the wrong. We know you love us and have promised in your word to give good gifts to your children.  So we come before you now and pray for the gift of wisdom.  All of our hope, trust, and faith is in you and you alone.
     Amen

God's Plan

"For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord."- Jeremiah 29:11

     God has a specific plan for each of us, a calling on our lives.  From the moment we are conceived He knows exactly what He wants for us.  But it is a choice on our part.  God's plan for us is like a free gift, we can either accept it or we can choose to leave it with Him and go our own way.  But God's plan for us is far better and greater than we could ever imagine.  God knows His plans for us, but it's important for us to listen so that we can fulfill them, because if we don't, then He will call someone else. I once heard this story about a missionary pastor who was called to reach out to a church.  He was praying to God one night and he said something to God about being called to that church.  Then God told him that he was not the first person He had called.  So the pastor asked if he was the second or third? God then told him that he was the eighth pastor He had called.  We can't let our walk with Christ and His plan for us become like those seven pastor's who chose their way over God's.

     Listen for God's call and plan on your life.  Don't ignore it or turn away from it because it's not what you were expecting.  Be open to receive what God has for you! Because the truth is, His plan for you is more than you could ever hope for, and true fulfillment will only come when we are in God's will.

     Dear God,
I know you have a specific and special calling on each of our lives.  Help us to listen to your voice and pursue/fulfill your plan for us.  Help us not to make the wrong choice by turning away from you but to keep you at the center of our life.
     Amen  

The Goal Is Love

“The goal of this command is love, which comes from a pure heart and a good conscience and a sincere faith.” 1 Timothy 1:5

     As Christians, we are often told to love.  We are told to love as Christ loves us.  Yet, we are not truly told how to love.  How do we change our lives in order to have more love?  We must come to the realization that love is a choice, we choose to love or not to love those around us.  So where does this choice of love come from? 

     First, loving as Christ loves comes from a pure heart with no unforgiveness, no hatred or anger, and no bitterness.  If we keep these things in our heart, there is no longer room for Christ and His love, and without His love in our hearts, we cannot love as He loves.  

     Second, love comes from a heart that has not been corrupted by the world and its sinful desires.  This is not to say that we will never be exposed to the world, but we cannot allow ourselves to be swept up by the world.  Romans 12:2 says not to conform to the patterns of this world, but to be transformed by the renewing of our mind.  We must possess a heart and mind that has been cleansed, and is continually cleansed by the reading of God’s word.

     Third, according to our scripture 1 Timothy 1:5, love comes from a good conscience. This can mean a conscience that is not burdened by secret sins not given up to the Lord, a conscience that knows the right thing to do and does it; one that knows the Word because it has spent time daily in it and with God.  How can we focus on God if we are too afraid of Him discovering some sin that has not been given to Him?  If we will only ask His forgiveness and repent (which means to never go back) He will be faithful and forgive us. Only then can we possess a clear conscience and draw nearer to our creator so that we might love as He loves.

     And finally, love comes from a sincere faith, a faith that can move mountains, and cannot be shaken.  “Faith is the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things not yet seen” (Hebrews 11:1).  So if love is a choice, it is like faith.  Even though we may not “feel” love, we choose to love, just as with faith, even though we cannot yet see, we choose to believe.  This is where our love as Christians comes from.  It comes from a pure heart, a heart that has not been corrupted, a clear conscience, and a sincere faith.  In order to love as Christ loves us, we must learn these qualities.  We can begin by seeking God and asking Him to help us in these areas.  We must continue to spend time in His Word and presence so that we might grow closer to Him, grow in faith, and grow in love.

     Dear God,

I ask that you would show us how to cleanse our hearts and make us pure like you.  Help our faith in you to continually grow everyday so that we can be a light in this present darkness by showing the world your love.  Help our conscience to be good and right.  Speak to and through us, your children.  Give us the love you have for others so that we might reach the lost.

                                               Amen